Funny story...
So I actually discovered how to track links-clicked, and although its somewhat of a tedious process and involves tagging all links in Google Analytics, it's way easier than tracking email opens.
Tracking opens is such a convoluted process, and nobody seems to lay it all out there in layman's terms. I understand how it works with the 1x1 GIF and everything; I just need to know the actual step-by-step process of how to get it done. There seems to be 2 ways of going about it -- 1 is through analytics and one is by using PHP. Both seem complicated and no one provides real instructions. There was supposedly a site called something like track-email-opens-with-analytics.com, which all of the threads on this topic provide a link to, but the site's MySQL database is corrupt, and the site won't load.
Which brings me to the funny part of the story... I actually think I misread the amount of emails that the Singly option is able to send at once. I believe I might have read it as days rather than hours... So after doing all of that research, while I was on the clock no less, I had an adequate solution right in front of my nose.
I do however love Google Analytics, and will probably still utilize the link-click tracking info I found, just because it would be nice to have it show up in GA with all of our other web stats. If anyone can provide me a link to a step-by-step tutorial for getting this emails-opened tracking working, I'd love you for it. Thanks for your help so far, Stan!